Key to Flying
by DarkenedSakura
Summary: For the 30 kisses challenge on lj. A guy hopelessly infatuated and a girl hopelessly oblivious. Or, thirty ways the poor boy loses out on getting a kiss. Somewhat. [TsubasaMisaki] [COMPLETE]
1. and I’ll do anything you ever

Summary: Done for 30kisses over on lj. A guy hopelessly infatuated and a girl hopelessly oblivious. Or, thirty ways the poor boy loses out on getting a kiss. Somewhat. Andou Tsubasa/Harada Misaki.

Theme #2 has a manga-only character. Theme #5 takes place after the infamous Christmas dance in chapters 48-50. Just so you know. No, this wasn't in the anime.

**Key to Flying  
Done for the 30 KISSES challenge  
By DarkenedSakura  
Themes #1-5 (and I'll do anything you ever)**

**1. look over here**

"Hey, Misaki!"

"What?" she asked, leaning against the bench railing in boredom.

"Look over here, will you?"

"Wh-_at_, Tsubasa?" she muttered, starting to turn around.

Instead of his usual cocky grin, he had a more unsure expression on his face as he fiddled with his hands. Quizzically, she leaned towards him. "Is something wrong?"

"Well…"

He moved closer to her.

She narrowed her eyes.

"Tsubasa-sempai! Misaki-sempai!"

"Ah, Mikan-chan!" Smiling, she got up from the bench, just missing her companion fall over right where she had been.

"Ack!"

"Tsubasa-sempai, what are you doing?" the little girl asked with a questioning look on her face, noticing his faceplant into the bench.

"…Nothing…" he sighed, his voice muffled.

* * *

**2. news; letter**

(Never interrupt two people known to be dangerous, reckless, or to have short tempers when they are bothered while dealing with…important business.)

"Hey, you guys!"

"What?"

"Come outside! Someone caught Andou and Harada making out under the tree!"

_"What!"_

(It is entirely within your best interests, whether they are related to matters of health, happiness, or the security of a clean state of mind, to do so.)

There was a veritable miniature stampede of female and male students storming outside who couldn't believe that Tsubasa or Misaki could have…and with each other? Definitely not.

The females were crying already.

At the base of the tree, the aforementioned two were trying to stand as far apart as possible while being close enough for conversational purposes. Tsubasa had a very distinct disposition of Not Pleased marring his features, while Misaki, though having her typical expression of anger for situations like this, had a barely visible dark blush staining her face.

Misaki was…blushing?

Oh, the girls were really crying now.

In addition to being very Not Happy, Tsubasa had Tono-sempai, who had a very well-aware sense of "Oh Shit, This Could Be Bad" written all over his face, cornered against the tree. "You…what did you tell everyone, eh?" Tsubasa demanded.

"Nothing at all, really…" Seeing the Shadow Alice user move to inscribe something within his shadow's domain and fearing the possibility of having to do Hindu squats for ten hours, he balked. "I mean, I just let slip to a few people about how you and Misaki were just…enjoying yourselves a bit over here – "

_"To-no-kun…"_ Misaki growled dangerously, moving closer to him.

"Hey, hey, wait! It was just…wait you don't want to do that!"

(Then again, some people never learn.)

* * *

**3. jolt!**

A flash of red plaid turning the corner caught his eye. He ran towards it and threw an arm around the pink-haired girl wearing said red skirt.

"Tsubasa!" Misaki chided, albeit only playfully as she relaxed into his hold.

"What do you think about skipping class today, eh?"

"It's Jin-Jin-sensei's class…" she said, frowning.

"Exactly! So come on. We could be using the time much better."

"Oh, really? How?"

"Many ways," he grinned, moving in to give her a kiss.

_Zap._

"Gah!" he shouted, sitting upright. He looked up to see…oh, crap…

Jinno-sensei stood there, sparks still flying from his rod. "Having a nice dream, Andou-san? Is my class that boring?"

"Hardly, sensei! I thought you knew me better than that!" he quipped.

"Regrettably, Andou, I know you too well." He adjusted his glasses, annoyed. "You'd better be wide awake next class, otherwise…" Another shock of electricity sparked from his rod.

"Right," he said with a slight smirk.

"And with that, we'll end class today," Jinno said, giving death glares to him as he walked past. Tsubasa thought even his frog was rattling threateningly as he left.

He sighed, resting his head on the table. A narrow escape today.

"Mou, Tsubasa…" Misaki muttered next to him. "Idiot, falling asleep in Jin-Jin's class. What were you dreaming about, anyway?"

His mouth quirked.

Her eyes narrowed. "You…"

_Smack._

"Uwa!"

* * *

**4. our distance and that person**

There were things that could've been, and there were things that were.

A masked man. "Tsubasa. You had better do what we tell you to. You know what will happen if you don't, do you not?"

No answer.

"You know what will happen to the people you care for?"

Sullen defiance.

"You may not care about what happens to you, but what about someone else? Such as…that girl you've with all the time? Your partner?"

No answer, but a more dangerous silence.

"Pretty girl, isn't she? I can see why you're with her so much. Is she softening you, is that it?"

Clenched fists, clenched teeth.

"It would be such a shame if she didn't live long enough to get her first kiss, wouldn't you say? To graduate? To marry? Or perhaps…perhaps we could use her in our little program. A good Doppelganger Alice is hard to come by and is very useful, after all."

A catch, a hitch in his breath.

"We know you like to cause trouble, Tsubasa, but you really should think about your situation and the people around you a little more. Otherwise…"

Shaking, dread, fear, anger, rage. Because of his despair and helplessness. Because he could do nothing about it and the consequences could be terrifying.

There were things that could have been.

He looked at the girl sleeping peacefully next to him at his side.

And then there were things that were.

* * *

**5. "ano sa…" ("hey, you know…")**

"Ano…Misaki…" he mumbled as she continued to drag him along by the arm off of the dance floor and outside into the clear night air. "About what you said back there…"

"Yes?" she said somewhat warily. "What about it?"

"When they asked about us, why did you completely deny it?"

"Hmm?"

"That we're going out," he said, managing to look even more dejected than he already did.

"Well, I mean, it's true, isn't it? We're not exactly 'steady'…"

"And then you said I seduce females and that I'd be a no-good boyfriend."

"You do have your little groupies, don't you?"

"You didn't see me dancing with one of them tonight, did you?"

"…"

"Don't tell me…you're still jealous or something…" he murmured in disbelief.

"Jealous? I was never jealous!" she said fiercely.

"I did ask you to this dance, didn't I?"

"Yes, but – "

"And I've asked you to every dance and event for a while, too."

"That's completely different!"

"How?"

"Well, you're you and all, so I didn't think much of it…"

Mikan's words floated back to him. "You should try telling her how you really feel."

_It's obviously not working_, he shot back. Okay. This called for desperate measures. She'd probably kill him for this, but there was nothing else he could think of at the moment that would make what he thought very clear. She'd just call him a liar if he said anything, anyway.

He stepped as close to her as he possibly could, cupped her cheek with his hand, and swooped in with his lips against hers. He thought she made a sound of protest but quickly silenced her by deepening the kiss. And as hands slid to the backs of necks and hips, he was dimly aware of the fact that her resistance to him had completely stopped.

They broke apart, breathing heavily. Misaki slowly raised her eyes to meet his in wonder, and Tsubasa realized what he had just done.

Oh crap.

He was dead meat now.

"Well, uh, I need to…get back to the others, so…I'll catch you later!"

"Oi, wait!"

Despite her yelling, he thought he saw a glimmer of a smile on her face.

…He'd just leave the relationship conversation for tomorrow. If he was still alive by then.

* * *

--------------------------------------------- 

---------------

…And I can't write kiss scenes for beans. In other words, the poor boy's not going to get many in this fic, haha.

This fic is centered more on the mangaverse than animeverse. A good deal of the canon in this is either inferred, made up, or barely there, since we get so little about Tsubasa and especially Misaki, along with their relationship. (But it doesn't change the fact that their love is oh so canon. I swear, they act like an old married couple.)

I've never actually seen translations of Tono-sempai talking, so…here's to hoping he's somewhat in character. At least, I can't imagine him acting any other way. Theme 4 is my take on the fact that yes, Tsubasa had interactions with certain teachers in the Dangerous type/kiken nouryoku-kei class at the very least.

And for people who haven't read those manga chapters: basically, Hotaru asks the two if they're going out. Tsubasa starts to say "well, yes, you could say that we are…" but Misaki jumps in and goes "no, we're just comrades! Friends! Besides, he'd be a bad boyfriend and is a playboy anyway." Then, as Misaki drags him off, Tsubasa looks sad and Mikan tells him to tell her how he really feels, while Tono comments that everyone's a bit clumsy when it comes to love. Something to that effect.

Major Natsume-shaped cookies to Dex (Aliora), because without her, not only would I have not taken up this challenge, but quite a few of these themes would be incredibly messed up without her awesome beta reader abilities.


	2. dreamed to be complete

No spoilers, wow.

**Key to Flying  
Done for the 30 KISSES challenge  
By DarkenedSakura  
Themes #6-10 (dreamed to be complete)**

**6. the space between dream and reality**

Lazy afternoons were best spent on tree limbs or under them. Too sluggish to climb up one, Tsubasa lounged against the trunk instead and allowed his hat to slide over his face. Hopefully no one would disturb him today. Hopefully.

--l--

Something caused him to stir slightly. Was he awake? He couldn't even tell, much less process the question. Everything was muddled.

"Geez, such a lazy guy," a voice – her voice? – said. "Already asleep out here and probably skipping class too."

He felt her finger some of the hair that fell on his face and he thought he felt her lips quickly brushing against his, but he really didn't feel like moving or bothering to open his eyes. The warmth of her hand still lingered on his cheek, he thought, as consciousness ebbed away again.

--l--

It was later in the afternoon when he woke up. "…Mmnph…could still make it to the special ability class if I get up…hmm?"

He suddenly remembered the dream that he'd had. Hm…that had been nice… He shrugged closer to the warmth at his side.

Wait, wha…?

He blinked. Misaki was at his side, her head resting against his shoulder. As he studied her sleeping face, he wondered…had it really been a dream?

Closing his eyes again, he put an arm around her. Surely Noda-sensei wouldn't mind if they were just a few minutes late…

* * *

**7. superstar**

The third squeal in a row finally broke Misaki's concentration.

"Tsubasa-kun's just too cool!"

"He's so handsome, isn't he?"

"Yeah! Those blue eyes…"

They all gave a collective sigh.

Twitch.

Sure, she already knew how annoying it was to be that guy's partner, even if he was the easiest guy to get along with out of everyone, but those fangirls of his always hit it home for her. She glanced to her right. He had kicked up his feet on the table and was probably sleeping under that stupid hat that covered his face. Geez.

"But yeah…just look at him! You think he's kissed anyone before?"

"Oh, yeah…probably a lot of girls, too. He's just like the kind of guy who'd have done that, right?"

Twitch.

"And that star tattoo he just got a few days ago? Makes him look even cooler!"

"I know! It makes him look so distinguished!"

She frowned angrily. Did those idiots not know what that star was? Only yesterday she watched him helplessly as he tried to deal with that newfound pain in his head, to no avail.

Wait. That made it sound like she cared for the guy, which she did not. She just cared about his welfare, that was all.

Mumbling to herself, she left the classroom.

* * *

He caught up to her outside. "Oi. Oiiiiii. You left without me."

She shrugged him off and continued walking.

"Whaaat?"

"No-thing. You could just go back and hang out with your hanger-ons, Mr. Superstar. It'd be easier."

He sighed as though he was expecting this and merely threw an arm around her shoulders, smirking. "You can be so grumpy sometimes, you know that?"

"Shut up," she said, but did not attempt to shrug him off.

* * *

"Man, he's always with _her_."

"Geez, what's so good about her, anyway?"

"I heard him say that she's just easy to get along with, that's all."

"Mou…he only talks around her. He never says anything or smiles in class, just sleeps and smirks and gets in trouble with the teacher."

Another collective sigh.

* * *

**8. our own world**

The most attractive boy in their class, the nice story went. He's so cool…he has a face like a movie star…his blue eyes are so dreamy…he has such a powerful Alice…one of the few middle school students with a special star ranking…he's so amazing!

A dropout, the whispers went. He skips class whenever he possibly can. He constantly makes wisecracks and smirks at the teachers. Nobody knows anything about him. He's dangerous. Do you know what he can do with his Alice? Do you know what he did last week? Do you know what he could do to you right now if he didn't have that curse seal and that earring, if he felt up to it?

She may have felt daunted at first when she was made his partner, despite her own status, but somehow she managed to see that the rumors weren't everything there was to him. He was more of a person, more of a human being, than that. He was as real as how real felt when she traced the lines of his lips with her finger. So painfully real.

It was part of their kind of real, of their reality. The reality they lived in outside of the school, the whispers, the threats, the lies. One that was safe, that had substance and feeling and life. One that had hope.

It was something the others, the whispers, couldn't take away from them.

* * *

**9. dash**

There are lots of stupid things I've done in my life where the consequences made it all worth it anyway. Well, I think. And then there are just as many things that may or may not be smarter than those things that I haven't done because I'm afraid of what would happen to me if I did them. Really afraid.

And 99 of those things probably involve Misaki, with fearing what her painful retribution would be in one way or another. Well, okay, maybe more than 1 of them involve fearing other powerful people instead, but you know.

Don't get me wrong. She's great and fun to be around, just…willfully oblivious at times. Any kind of hint I drop is too subtle…well, that or she just happened to be not listening to me at that exact moment when I was trying to say something. You know, those convenient "hm, what, Tsubasa? I didn't hear what you said" moments. Things always work like that with her.

I've really considered just kissing her out of the blue or pulling her onto the dance floor without giving her a chance to protest, but right after that I'd have to run far…and fast, too. To avoid her wrath and all.

I know I can be stupid and I've done some stupid things, but I think it'd be worth it. If she doesn't kill me, that is.

* * *

**10. #10**

Within Tsubasa's top ten goals, most of them related to Misaki in one way or another. At the same time, though, he always, _always_ hoped that he wouldn't be injured too badly for whatever it was. The most basic one was to tell her how he felt, as in really telling her and convincing her and getting it into her head that yes, he really was serious and he really didn't care about his fangirls, geez, and what about her fanboys, eh…but he had been trying for a long time already. A very long time, with many tries. Nine tries, and his tenth was sure to be rebuffed as well.

And then there were those goals of being able to kiss her without getting a fractured jaw and of the future and where they would be and evading all of their problems, but…those were indefinitely on hold. For various reasons.

He'd try again today. Maybe the tenth time would be the charm.

Then again, that's what they had said about the third time, too.

--l--

* * *

I knew I forgot something last time. Vocab. The –sempai suffix is what a younger student would say to an upperclassman, and –sensei is for a teacher, doctor, or something along those lines. Just for the people who watched the dub and stuff.

And again with my manipulations of canon and making everything dark and gloomy. "Superstar" (7) was inspired by the various moments where I was convinced that the both of them had their own little fangirls and fanboys, and "our own world" (8) by Tsubasa's early comments about how he was once like Natsume. Though, I hate 8 a lot. It caused me so much trouble.

It's my belief that Tsubasa is definitely a special ranking, but some of the same logic in that argument would imply that Misaki is one as well. Definitely not the middle school principal students, though, I don't think. Yes, I've heard the rumor that Tsubasa was a 3-star who got bumped down to 1-star because of something he did. Frankly, I don't care. The Tsubasa running around in my head definitely is a special. I mean, I could believe that Misaki isn't a special pretty easily since some of the reasoning in my head goes to fanon I made up for her, but…hey, bear with me.

Thanks again to Dex for beta'ing, and to the reviewers for…well, reviewing and being supportive. XD And sorry for the slowness.


	3. little pieces of the nothing that fall

Pretty much spoiler-free again. Man, I'm getting good with this or something

**Key to Flying  
Done for the 30 KISSES challenge  
By DarkenedSakura  
Themes****11-15 (little pieces of the nothing that fall)**

**11. gardenia**

He was a prankster now, a real goofball. It had taken so long, but his fake smiles and smirks turned into real smiles at one point, and she thought he deserved whatever small happiness allowed him to do so after everything that they had gone through.

She spent her time in the mornings before class started, as well as all of the other breaks for that matter, with him. However, today he was nowhere to be found. Sometimes, that guy…did he sleep in too late or something, she wondered?

Ruminating to herself, she wandered over to the park area. If he was anywhere besides his room – and she'd know, she knew him better than anyone else – he'd be up in a tree.

--l--

He wasn't anywhere near the trees closest to the buildings, his usual haunt. Instead, he was deeper in, further in the foliage, sitting at the base of a full oak tree amidst the new flowers. His pensive look and the fact that he hadn't noticed her appearance kept her from saying anything.

He looked completely different. Gone was the smile, the smirk, the air of nonchalance. Hair falling across his eyes, he stared somewhere between the ground and nowhere at all.

The flowers around him moved erratically, sometimes as though they were being jerked around, other times as though a gentle breeze made them sway, which made her think he was using his Alice. He did that sometimes when he was in a dark mood or was just deep in thought, she remembered. His fingers played on the tips of the petals, fingers playing on secrets, and the flowers gave him little pollen kisses back.

Something about it just seemed all too sad. She couldn't stand to watch him like that.

When she walked up and sat next to him without getting a reaction, she wondered if he had known she was there all along.

She placed a hand on his shoulder for a brief moment. "Hey."

He stiffened sharply and she wondered before he relaxed again, shrugging closer to her. "Hey."

Her eyes fell and he kept staring at the ground. She reached for his hand, squeezing it a little, trying to say how it was all she could do, so please, smile.

He looked up at her, blinking, before she let go.

"…Do you want to go for breakfast now?"

"…Sure."

**12. in a good mood**

Tsubasa was in good spirits. His walk had a jaunty step to it and his hat was askew, perched loosely on his head. He whistled a little bit as he dug his hands further into his pockets.

Today was a good day.

_"Tsubasa!"_

Thwack.

"Uwa—mmph!" he cried as her fist sent him kissing the ground face-first. "What, Misaki?!"

"Aren't you forgetting something?" she said pointedly, glaring at him with her hands on her hips.

He started to grin nervously. "Ah…"

"So if you remember, shouldn't you go and take care of it now?"

He rubbed the back of his head nervously. "Um…yes?"

His anxious grin only widened until she finally left.

Tsubasa sighed ruefully. If she was in a good mood, things were just fine. If not…

He sweatdropped again.

**13. excessive chain**

Studying was boring. So was homework. Especially stupid ridiculous math homework with crazy problems written by the school.

'If a lock with a width of 5 inches, a depth of 1.5 inches, and a height of 6 inches is wrapped around by a chain with each link being ½ an inch long and the entire chain wrapping around the lock 8 times, and if you have a fire Alice that burns through the metal at a rate of 1 inch per second, how long would it take you to burn through the chain and the lock?'

Depends on if you're Natsume being a little glaring boy or not, he wanted to write. And he might've been able to get away with it too. Maybe. Well, yes, maybe.

But really, it was an insanely ridiculous problem. And he had at least 17 more of them to finish by tomorrow. The school passed them off as "real-life applications," but no one, especially the only fire Alice at the school he could think of, would bother with such calculations.

He flopped backwards onto the bed, putting the book to good use by draping it over his face. "This is stupid," he mumbled through the pages.

"You're going to have to do it anyway," Misaki replied, prodding her own math textbook with a pencil. "They weren't that bad…just…stupid."

He sighed, voice muffled by the book. "Once this class is over, I can't wait to kiss this thing goodbye."

"Yep."

**14. radio-cassette player**

With nothing to do on such a Saturday afternoon, they stayed in his room. He lay sprawled on the bed, leaving his hat on his face and to all appearances seeming to be asleep. She sat at his desk, playing with the little radio that she constantly forgot to take back with her whenever she left.

He'd have to remind her about that sometime. Then again, leaving it there meant she had to come to his room whenever she wanted to use it, so he didn't really mind it all that much. Not that he'd admit it to her, and not that that detail ever occurred to her.

Tsubasa heard the click of a dial, a burst of static, and finally the beginning of a rock song. What was it, one of Reo's? It sounded familiar. Since he heard no more fiddling and the song continuing without a break, he guessed she didn't mind the music. It was the standard fare of broken hearts and unrequited kisses, nothing new. Though, he had to admit, the bass line in this one wasn't all that bad.

Misaki started humming it, and it'd probably grow into full-fledged singing soon, he thought. The boy started to grin. It wasn't that she was a bad singer or anything – far from, really – but the irony of the song was getting to him. He laughed silently to himself.

"What's so funny? Is my singing that bad?"

Even though he couldn't see her, he thought she was glaring, growing slightly nervous (and reasonably so) because of it. "Of course not! It's good, it really is!"

He sat up and his hat fell off of his head, but she had her back to him. As though she never glared at him, he thought, wincing a little bit. "You have no appreciation for music that sounds good, you know that?"

Though he wanted to make a strong retort, he flopped back onto the bed instead. He'd prove to her that he appreciated more than she thought – some other day.

**15. perfect blue**

Misaki's not sure why she likes blue so much, really. After all, there are many possible reasons for it. Aesthetically, it's not as bland as the neutral colors, it's not as feminine as pink or purple, it's more flexible than orange or green.

Tsubasa's hair is blue. So are his eyes. It's easy for her to recall how it's reflected in his eyes. Dark, moody blues when she finds him depressed, though it doesn't really happen any more; blue bordering on purple when he smirks and is _so damn full of himself_.

An extra tint of bright turquoise somewhere when his face lights up, sometimes when he sees her and greets the elementary schoolers. The beautiful shining blue when he puts on the charm as if he doesn't even realize he's doing it.

Blue like the ocean, blue so deep it sucks her in, blue that enraptures her when he draws close and keeps her from pulling away.

She doesn't really believe in waxing poetic about him or eye colors or anything else in the world for that matter, though. So she forgets about it.

Once in a while, a thought comes up along the lines of 'maybe you like blue so much because of him.' And then she thinks about it and almost believes it, until he does something so big and so stupid and so _Tsubasa_ that she sighs or deals with whatever he caused. And then she forgets, and it doesn't really come to mind until the next time it occurs to her.

But sometimes, she looks at him and almost drinks in his expressions and the way his eyes look in the light and she starts thinking again. Blue is definitely his color, without a doubt. It's perfect for him. It _is_ him.

And then he'll blink, and she'll blink, and he's back to smiling easily and she's back to being herself, and life goes on perfectly fine and normal, as blue and pink and multicolored as ever.

--l--

* * *

I don't really want to know where some of my ideas come from, like for 11 and 13 and so on. Well, 11's from that whole dark theory about Tsubasa, and 13 is just a pile of crack and I must've done it during a stupid math class, and stuff like that.

This gets updated really, really slowly. At this rate, it'll take me a year to finish. I write them and all, but I just never get to posting and editing them because I am lazy. Gonna change that. Well, school might get in the way. Sorry.

Major thanks to Dex, the beta, and comments and reviews are always very appreciated no matter what. Writers like reviews and all that, etc, etc, and thanks for the last ones.


	4. may put your arms around me

Well, you won't understand 16 if you haven't gotten to the chapters about New Year's and the incident with the mochi (when everyone made food and Tsubasa put the powder in the mix that made it so whoever's mochi you ate, you got stuck to, so Natsume got stuck to Mikan, Hotaru to Ruka and Yo-chan, etc). And 18 is a continuation of #5 (re: the Christmas dance).

**Key to Flying  
Done for the 30 KISSES challenge  
By DarkenedSakura  
Themes****16-20 (may put your arms around me)**

**16. invincible; unrivaled**

Misaki was surprised that Tsubasa hadn't turned into a little charred black lump yet, after all of his encounters with Natsume. He pulled so many stupid stunts around him that it made her wonder whether he was becoming a masochist, or if he was just losing his touch.

Becoming a masochist. That was the only way to explain his comments and ridiculous pranks.

That idiot. How he managed to avoid the flaming equivalent of the kiss of death every single time, she wasn't sure. He had to be made of pure Teflon. Maybe his true Alice was invulnerability. The Shadow thing – just a side effect.

Or he was just incredibly, incredibly lucky and durable.

Later that night, when they had finally gotten Natsume and Mikan settled in one room and Ruka, Hotaru, and Yo-chan in another, she pulled him aside, sighing. "Your pranks keep getting smarter and smarter."

"I thought it'd have been funny…" he mumbled, nursing his scorched rear end.

"Uh huh. No wonder he gets mad at you so much."

"At me?" he said with an expression of innocence that she would've believed…if it wasn't so innocent. "Me? What did I do?"

"So many things," she replied, pushing him down the hallway.

No matter what those kids had to go through tonight and the next day, she'd still be stuck as the one having to put up with his antics afterwards.

She'd trade places with them in a heartbeat.

Maybe.

**17. kHz (kilohertz)**

With the Alice he had, he adapted quickly to being able to filter out whatever he didn't want to hear around him. Otherwise, having super-hearing would be a pain. This was why peaceful Sunday mornings were his favorite.

Except, on this Sunday morning, the atmosphere wasn't exactly what he had in mind.

"You idiot!"

"What?!"

A pause. "Nothing."

Oh. Just the school's resident married couple. Fighting. Nothing new.

He grew engrossed in his book, but that lasted for only a moment.

"So why did you call me out sso early today?"

"Well, nothing really…just thought it'd be peaceful without everyone else."

Their voices dropped to a conversational level, and he reflexively increased the power of his Alice. He wouldn't know if it was important or not if he didn't try to hear it, right?

Eh…only small talk. Things about classes, the latest escapade with Mikan and Natsume (which he had heard about already), plans for Central Town…odd sounds?

The average human heart beats at 1.2 kilohertz per second, and a calm and collected person normally doesn't need to shift more than several times per minute. And yet, unless he was wrong, the guy's heart was racing as he moved along a bench. There were only two directions he could be shifting, so it wasn't hard for him to guess what he was up to.

Kiss her, stupid. Get it over with already. Even he, a ten-year old kid, understood the situation better than that middle schooler.

It explained a lot.

"Oi, Tsubasa, what are you doing?"

"N… Nothing."

Sighing, he returned to his book. And he thought what went on in the elementary B class was amusing enough.

Some people in the world just weren't made for romance.

**18. "an" ("say ahhh…")**

If he ran into her today, he resolved to meet her with confidence. There was no point in running away from her, after all –

"Tsu-ba-sa…"

Oh, crap.

Then again, what happened last night at the dance…changed all of that. Well…no. No. There really was no point in running away. Right.

He was asking for a death sentence, really.

--l--

"Tsubasa?"

Strange, she thought he was here…if he was trying to evade her, he'd definitely be indoors hiding somewhere crazy. She prepared to turn the corner, but a familiar face popped out.

"And what were you looking for me for, a--n?" he drawled, signature smirk in place. "Hmmm?"

She spluttered in surprise.

He stepped forward until they were almost nose-to-nose, keeping that infernally idiotic grin. And if she hadn't lost her focus before, she had definitely lost it now.

"Wasn't it something important?" he said, moving infinitesimally closer, enough that she was suddenly aware of it.

And then the atmosphere changed, and she remembered.

His expression suddenly shifted as though he finally realized just what the hell he was doing, and he smoothly backed up and bolted. If such a thing was even possible.

There was no time to think about such things; what was she doing? "Oi, Tsubasa! Come back here!"

**19. red**

Tsubasa was, really, such a provocateur. As lazy as he was, he just made things happen. Like with Misaki. He always made her a little angry by just doing what he normally did, knew the 101 ways that he could definitely tick her off from (accidental) experience. Not that he enjoyed it or liked being berated or beaten for it; it just always happened like that.

Like with the whole dance kiss fiasco. It was a reminder that hell hath no fury like a female taken by complete surprise, or something.

Of course, as usual, she got him back for it. In repayment for making her see red, she kissed him so hard that he saw stars.

**20. the road home**

Graduation felt so surreal. She never really expected the day to come. After nine, ten years of knowing nothing other than the academy and its way of life, it was hard to imagine anything else.

And yet, here she was.

The entire gang – Mikan's group – had shown up for it. Even the little firestarter as well. How the girl managed to make him come along, she didn't know. At least he and Tsubasa got along more civilly than before. Perhaps. A little.

Mikan had asked her what they were going to do now that they had graduated. She had replied that she and Tsubasa were going to live in Central Town at first, so they could visit them whenever they liked.

You and Tsubasa? Hotaru had asked.

Well, yes.

You and Tsubasa, together? You've found a place together.

She had suddenly remembered that the girl was and had always been keenly alert about these kinds of details exactly when it was best for her not to be.

And then Tsubasa had shown up, and the real grilling began.

"Wow, Tsubasa-sempai!" Mikan exclaimed. "It's so cool that you and Misaki-sempai are going to live together in Central Town!"

"Yeah, we…wait, what?" he said, perplexed.

"You know what she means," the ones Mikan called Kokoroyomi and Kitsune-bi piped up brightly.

"Aren't you a little too young to talk about that?" Tsubasa remarked drily.

"Tsubasa and Misaki, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!" the two sang.

"And aren't you supposed to be too _old_ for that?" he groaned.

"But it's cohabitation!"

"Huh? What are you guys talking about?" Mikan asked quizzically.

They all exchanged a glance.

"Never mind," Tsubasa sighed, giving up.

But for the most part, they evaded their remarks pretty well. After all, they were best friends. Moving in together cut costs and wouldn't really change anything. It was just that everyone else thought very differently. Tono had a field day with it, probably as payback for all of the things Tsubasa said to him in the past.

Misaki had let those two deal with their scuffle on their own.

She was still amazed that the school was letting them, especially him, go. Or maybe it was because they were going to stay in Central Town, which was close enough to monitor. She shuddered at the thought. How far away would be far enough? Would anywhere ever be?

"…Misaki? Oi, Misaki?"

She blinked. "Huh?"

"We're at Central Town. You ready?"

"Oh. Yeah, I guess I am."

As the bus pulled away, she couldn't help but feel that strange, surreal feeling once again while staring down the dusty road. How things were different, how things would change, how things would be so –

He put an arm around her shoulders, one that she did not shrug off, and kissed her on the forehead. "Let's go home, okay?"

She looked at his confident smile.

"Okay."

--l--

* * *

I, I have nothing to say about this batch. I completely don't know what I was thinking, and erk. It just didn't turn out like I wanted it to at all.

I kinda threw up most of my notes at the top, but otherwise. Missed the last deadline and got an extension, but there are only 2 more parts left of this. And all of this I wrote a long time ago, but these next parts haven't been written yet and thus will be closer to my current style. And they'll hopefully be better, too, but you know.

Thanks to Dex for prodding this with a stick, as usual, and comments are appreciated and loved. :D


	5. what you feel is what you are

No spoilers, but a lot of made-up character history and me showing off my talent of being able to make any character a bit more dark and angsty. Most of these, especially 25, are much, much longer than the usual. And I wish 23, 24, and 25 could've been in the order of 25-24-23, but…you get what you get.

**Key to Flying  
Done for the 30 KISSES challenge  
By DarkenedSakura  
Themes****21-25 (what you feel is what you are)**

**21. violence; pillage/plunder; extortion**

During lunch, Tsubasa and Misaki were nowhere to be found.

And because his untimely warden-chaperones weren't around, Tono was more than content to spend the hour with Mikan and the others. Without those two. And except for a long glaring match with that one little brat, the lunch period went by much better than usual.

Neither of them were there to keep him from playing with Mikan either, he thought, pretending to kiss her brow as she giggled. Didn't they realize that it was harmless and all in good fun?

Until.

"Tono-sempai? Where's Tsubasa-sempai and Misaki-sempai?"

"Ah. They were busy yelling at each other when I saw them in the hallway, so they'll probably be late."

The girl appeared to be in deep thought for a moment. "Hmm…now that I think about it, I've never seem them really really fight before."

"Take it from me," he said warily, "It's something that you don't want to see."

"Huh? Why?"

Because the last time they did, they almost blew up the school grounds, he thought wryly, but merely said, "Because they can get pretty violent."

"…Like how?" the blond-haired boy ventured to ask.

This was going to take a while.

Tono settled back in his chair. "Well, first they get mad at each other and hurl insults…"

_"Idiot!"_

_ "I didn't mean to!"_

_ "You're still an idiot!"_

"…Or maybe Misaki hurls the insults and Tsubasa deals with it since whatever started it was probably his fault," he concluded.

Mikan nodded.

Something was odd with that picture, but Tono put it aside. "And usually, Misaki punches Tsubasa, or throws something at him, or…" He trailed off, looking at Mikan again, and blinked. "Actually, it's kind of like how you and that brat interact, just on the next level."

"Eh?!" She looked…stricken, to say the least.

Natsume leveled a burning look at him.

Tono stuck his tongue out in reply as Mikan started waving her arms around rapidly, shouting something or another about the brat.

He stuck in a glare over her shoulder as well, for good measure. Thankfully, the kid seemed more self-restrained than usual with his powers, or else their fighting really would be more like their older counterparts.

"Idiot!"

"I didn't mean to!"

"You're still an idiot!"

"Hey, wait!"

Tono looked up. Maybe his imagination was more vivid than he thought. Unless –

"OW!"

Yeah. It figured that the fight would get dragged out here.

"Oi oi," he yelled at them, a glint in his eye. "Not in front of the kids, eh?"

The two of them turned to him.

He had a sudden sense of déja-vu of, among other things, the last time that he had irritated the two of them. In front of the school. Causing them to back him into a corner with a vengeance.

"Another thing that's similar about you two and these two," he wryly remarked to the kids, "is that usually, a poor innocent bystander like me or Tsubasa gets involved at just the wrong time and gets unfairly punished for it. Well, he's far less innocent than me, but – "

_"Tono!"_

" – I hope you guys get the picture?" he laughed nervously, backing up a bit and wondering if he could make a quick getaway somehow.

Oh, one of these days he really needed to learn from his mistakes. Really.

* * *

**22. cradle**

It's the fifth explosion he can remember from the past few minutes. Or is it the sixth? None of it really sticks out any more, nothing but the cacophony of sound melding together into streams of adrenaline and panic, nothing-nothing-nothing hammering into his head with explosions that mean something.

He dodges from the sound, dodges in the wind, dodges and feints and runs that much faster across the field. Animals, artillery, fireballs, icicles – he ducks and weaves and avoids it all, because he can't afford to be hit. And it's not the fear of tearing skin and broken bones or pain or how getting knocked over would get in the way, as annoying as those things are.

Someone who means a lot to him has been taken, is gone, and he can get hit with the shrapnel and the projectiles all they want – after he gets her back.

--l--

For him, promises of the end of the world had already come and gone, all in the forms of threats and angry yells and demands to fit in, shackle down, and obey. Against punishments and curse seals, he had resisted it all. And maybe they realized then that while he'd never be afraid of his world ending, he'd always worry for the few people around him that meant anything.

He used to be as wise as Natsume, keeping people at bay for their own good.

Why did she have to come and mess that entire system up?

(the system was there for a _reason_)

--l--

Now that he thinks about it, he should've known that this battle was going to take place one day. Students against teachers. Rebels against authority. The disillusioned against the weavers of said illusions.

He just never thought that it'd be this big. Or that they'd stoop to such levels.

Then again, they had Persona and the Dangerous Alices that he knew better than most, so it shouldn't have been such a surprise.

It seems that Tsubasa is surprised more often than not these days.

He's not sure what that could mean.

(god it means he's slipping)

--l--

When he gets to the end, he's not alone.

Natsume's there, with flames all around him like a child's comfort blanket. His eyes are red, so red, and he's fighting all of his demons away. Washing them away with fire, one tangible being at a time.

He glances up, still throwing fire. They look at each other.

Words don't need to be said.

The kid doesn't do much, just tilts his head a certain direction and says, "Over there."

Tsubasa stands there for a moment that he really can't afford to spare, then digs a small stone out of his pocket and tosses it over.

The boy catches it, expression unchanging.

"Thanks." Pause. "It's repayment for last time, too."

Something small changes in his fire-rimmed eyes, and he loops the string connected to the Alice stone around his fingers before he turns away, still fighting.

Tsubasa runs, leaving the reminder of who he was and how things could've turned out behind.

Far, far, behind.

--l--

When he gets there, he's too late. He should've known that she'd fight to the death, captivity or no.

Please not the death, he hopes, _please not the death_.

At first glance, it's hard to tell whether it was his fears or his hopes that came true.

She's taken enough hits that there are no more of her doppelgangers left, and it's as though he's arrived at the perfect moment to see her start to fall backwards towards the floor. He runs up and catches her centimeters from the ground, cradles her in his arms, rocks her back and forth as he shakes and hopes beyond hope that she's all right.

Has he called out her name enough times?

He puts his fingers to her neck, lips to her brow, and breathes a sigh of relief when he feels a pulse.

He lays her down to the side – gently – and straightens, standing.

Some bastards are going to _pay._

* * *

**23. candy**

Damnit.

Today was a bad day.

"Oi, where are you?"

"You can't run forever!"

She skidded to a stop behind a tree, holding her breath. Of all her luck, to get involved in a situation like this. Wasn't that Tsubasa's job and not hers, provoking middle schoolers far older than them for the fun of it and all?

She gritted her teeth again for good measure. Maybe they wouldn't notice her and move on, and then she could run back to the elementary building. Maybe they'd just go away. Maybe positive thinking would bring about some results this time.

"Found you, troublemaker!"

Or maybe not.

Today was most definitely a bad day.

"What, aren't you going to back up what you said back there? Gonna use your doppelgangers on us?"

Oh, those bastards knew that her Alice had been working erratically for some reason during the past week. No wonder they chose this day of all days to come seek retribution. Not that it was anything worth fighting over, though. After all, she reasoned, they _were_ idiots and morons and useless brats who only used their Alices to pick on the others.

She had told them so, anyway.

Considering everything, that had obviously been somewhat of a mistake. In timing, at least. The principle of telling them the facts wasn't, really.

She put up a front anyway, turning and facing them. "You guys…"

They sneered. "What can you do? You're helpless. This'll be like taking candy from a baby."

Clenching her fists, she knew, after looking over their shoulders – they were wrong. And almost gave a sigh of relief, except that that would've given away the game plan.

"Go on, then," she smirked back. "Try to lay a finger on me."

"What kind of a stupid challenge is that?" one of them spat out, attempting to move forward – only to realize half a second later that he was already caught in the trap.

Tsubasa stepped out into the tree's shadow.

"Andou!"

Even in the darkness, his smirk was ever so visible. "Huh, picking on defenseless girls? Never thought you guys would stoop that low."

They growled like the morons they were, but stayed stiff in relaxed postures identical to his.

"Now, you guys definitely owe her an apology." He appeared to be in deep thought for a moment. "Hmmm…what would be good enough?"

The students scowled but said nothing, knowing full well what he could do to them with his Alice, if motivated.

He glanced at her.

She raised her eyebrows.

They quaked without moving.

Tsubasa shuffled forward so that the students stood right in front of Misaki, then dropped down to his knees. Groaning, they did the same, except that they kissed her shoes when he bent his head forward.

He mock-sighed. "Hey, hey, shouldn't you be begging for her mercy right about now? I know I would."

Silence for a moment.

A very short moment.

"W…w-we're sorry! We won't try anything ever again!"

"Oh god, is he going to use those hell words on us? I heard what he did to that other group of middle schoolers…" one of the morons whispered.

Tsubasa smirked again.

Misaki shook her head, smiling ruefully. If this had happened months ago, when he was still more dangerous and introverted than this, then those guys wouldn't have even lasted this long.

She leaned back as the others started doing Hindu squats for a couple of hours, then walked away with Tsubasa, ignoring their groans.

What else did idiots deserve but something like this, in the end.

* * *

**24. good night**

She hates it when people say good night, because within that phrase is an intrinsic lie.

Like, "Good night, Misaki – we'll take you out somewhere special tomorrow," when in truth her parents disappeared the next day and only came back days later with empty apologies and empty presents and another flurry of good nights and good mornings to spare.

Like, "Good night, Misaki. We love you," when the morning after, they'd abandoned her in front of the Academy and sped away in a tinted black car, never to return.

Like, "Night, see you tomorrow," when the next morning, Tsubasa was nowhere to be found. When she'd searched and waited and the teachers had nothing to tell her and he'd reappeared days later, shrugging it off and nonchalantly saying (out loud) "Huh? I overslept that long?" (while in a whisper he'd said _I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I can't tell you what or why_) and she was left to punch him again and again, yelling and shouting and how could he, where was he, did he know how worried she was because knowing him he'd fallen off a tree or something, idiot, that _idiot – _

Like a million pledges that she could remember if she'd wanted to, a million broken promises and a million apologies and lies. _Good night_, they'd promise her before they would go away. _Good night_, they'd kiss her before they'd disappear. _Good night, good night, good night._

It was why she clung to good mornings. Good morning meant that the previous gesture from the evening before hadn't been completely false. Good morning, while not an absolute promise of bright sunshine and "everything will be okay", was still like a security deposit to a good night's IOU – far better in comparison. And she took what she could get, after all.

It's something she won't forget, even as things change.

But things do.

When he says "good morning" to her now, she doesn't think about the dangers that the Academy could still pose to them even when they've graduated and moved away. She doesn't think that maybe one day, he won't be there to say it or "good night" to her again for a long, long time. She doesn't think that maybe it has as much of an inherent lie in it as the other term, promising things out of its control.

They've been rendered absolutely useless, the meanings of the terms against his breath on her neck.

Between morning and night, she's learning to live life in the moment.

It's all the truth she needs.

* * *

**25. fence**

The first few days, she didn't understand why she was here. She loved her mother and father, and her mother and father loved her, right? So why had they dumped her outside of these gates, why had they handed her off to a man in a dark suit and sunglasses, and why had they climbed back in the car?

Why did they drive away and leave her all alone?

It's a school, they had said. Her parents, the men, the adults that identified themselves as the teachers there. It was a special school for special children like her, they had said.

But she didn't want to be special. She just wanted to go _home_.

--l--

_Mommy…daddy…?_

_ Why did you…_

_ Why?_

--l--

She always knew that she had been a little different from everyone else. Especially the first time that she made copies of herself – whoa, wait, copies? Copies? – and wow, can the other children do that?

Her parents had been so proud. So happy. We tried for so long, for a daughter like you, and you've surpassed everything we would have asked for. A child with abilities like us. We thought it would never happen.

You're special, they told her. You're special.

(You're so special, we've left you and goodbye, here's a goodbye kiss from ten blocks down the road as we drive away because you're our special child and we love you we love you we love you.)

She never thought about it that way.

After all, special's not weird, not abnormal, not strange.

Special's only what you make of it. Only that and nothing more.

Only that and _nothing more_.

--l--

The first few days, they couldn't really stop her. They could dress her in plaid skirts and white shirts, could take away all of her privileges save for a bowl of rice to prevent starvation, could show her up in front of the class and try to make an example out of her. But it never changed the fact that at 3:55 pm every day, she would run and run and run, run past the men in dark suits with several clones to ward them off until she could reach the gate.

Running running running, every single day. Ran until it was there.

She remembers very well – that exact minute was the time that she had first arrived at the gates, and that was the time that her parents drove away without her.

Maybe they'd come back at the same time.

Maybe it didn't really happen.

Maybe, if she waited long enough, she would wake up as if from a dream. As if it was all just a dream.

(Little girls need dreams the way cotton candy pink and bubble gum innocence go together hand in hand, god they should know that _god they should know_.)

Maybe if she wanted long enough.

Every day was a maybe. Always always always, every single day.

--l--

They said she was special. Pinned extra gold stars to her blouse and said aren't you lucky that you have the parents that you do?

(Stars are supposed to be free flowing things in the night sky. Daddy taught her that. What are these?)

They never understood why, when they'd say so, she'd slowly start to cry.

--l--

Another day, another 3:55 pm.

Why haven't you come yet? she wanted to yell to the open air. Why haven't you come?

What did I do wrong?

Not even a squeal of getaway tires to answer her, not even that much.

--l--

But she wouldn't let them break her.

She _wouldn't._

--l--

There was a point where Misaki lost track of the days, almost lost track of the reasons for why she ran out every day like clockwork to clutch the bars of the fence before she'd be taken back inside. A point where her parents' faces weren't as crystalline clear as they used to be and why hadn't they sent her any letters or photos, why hadn't they kept in touch, why did they leave her here like she had done something wrong?

Had she done something wrong?

The thought caught in her throat, and she willed herself not to cry.

"Hey."

Willed herself not to cry.

"There's no point in running out here every day, you know."

She merely sank to her knees. No use in whirling around and trying to escape like all of the times she had tried before. No use in trying to conjure up those copies of her that seemed to come only when it would cause her grief and never when it could do her good.

Go ahead, she thought, I won't try anything this time. Just take me, just do what you always do.

"Are you deaf? Is that a side affect of your Alice?"

"Just hurry up already," she bit out.

"With what?"

Stinging retort waiting on the tip of her tongue before she knew what she was thinking, she turned around.

He wasn't an adult.

"The teachers that normally chase you aren't here," he said nonchalantly, looking down at her with striking blue eyes as if he was analyzing an insect.

The surprise shocked her emotions away. "Who…are you?"

He smirked. "The boy that all of the teachers are trying to find, right now. Saves you some trouble today, doesn't it?"

She blinked.

"Let's just say that I'm more troublesome than you. At least, I should be. Doesn't explain why they've been chasing you for days, though."

She paused. Why should she talk to this strange boy, anyway? Only weird people talked to others just as weird.

He continued to talk as if she wasn't simply saying nothing. "I'm guessing you've never tried to jump over the fence before. Or climb, for that matter."

She looked at him, surprised.

"Anyone knows you can't get out of the school through the gate or the fence. It's got an electric current running through it. They keep us in here for a reason."

"But…somebody could get in here from outside, right?" she whispered, so quietly that she wasn't sure if she said it.

"Parents don't come for their children here," he stated coldly, simply. Truthfully.

She didn't feel as surprised as she'd have expected.

_No, no, no._

Footsteps, faint voices.

"Have you checked near the gate?"

"He never runs there, it's the girl that does!"

"Go check anyway!"

The boy looked at her, eyes seemingly boring into her own. "If you stay here, they'll catch you."

And then he disappeared into the trees.

She ran away as well, but couldn't distance herself from his words.

_Parents don't come for their children here._

It haunted her, almost as much as the intensity of his eyes.

She refused to think about it.

--l--

Misaki saw him again the next day.

She honestly wouldn't have noticed. Sure, she did her work in the classes and responded to the other kids and smiled on demand and everything, but she hadn't really paid attention. Hadn't really noticed anything or anyone because none of them mattered, after all.

Hadn't really noticed the kid in the back with the piercing blue eyes, until today.

She walked up to him. "So you knew."

He slouched backwards, hat and hair covering most of his face.

Something she only needed several moments with him to figure out was that this kid was absolutely _frustrating._ "Say something, will you?"

"There's nothing to say."

So very frustrating.

She sat down next to him anyway.

--l--

End of the day, 3:55 pm.

Misaki stayed where she was.

Silence. Tick, tick, tick.

Tock.

"Aren't you going to go?"

"Where?"

"The gate."

Pause.

"It's the seventeenth day."

She bit her lip and thought, all the way back. Back to her parents' ecstatic faces at finding out that she had an Alice. Back to when they left her at the academy with hardly more than a goodbye – if they had left one at all. Back to running, running, always running. Back to not understanding _why_.

"You said parents wouldn't come for their children, here."

"I did." He slid further down in his seat, one eye lazily peeking out from under his hat. "But you didn't have to listen to me."

"I'm not."

"Hm?"

"I just…you said it yourself, it's the seventeenth day, right? If they come, then…the teachers will tell me."

He said nothing, merely tipped his hat back down as a nod to something greater that she wasn't sure of.

"You think it's stupid. You think all of it was stupid."

"Sometimes, it's good to believe."

Silence.

She sat with him long after class ended.

--l--

Before long, it became the new routine.

"You know, I hope you're not trying to use me as a replacement for your parents," the boy wryly quipped.

She merely punched him.

"Ow!"

"You deserved it."

--l--

Years and years later, Misaki's parents have never come for her, never not even once. And she doesn't give the clock a second glance when it's 3:55 any more.

At the same time, Tsubasa is still as much of a moron as ever, and thus gets smacked for being one whenever such moments come up. And they don't talk about the past, when he was withdrawn and battling his personal demons and she was naïve and questioning the world, when they first met and when they left their problems behind.

She's never talked to her parents again. It's something that doesn't really come to mind or haunt her in her dreams any more.

For everything she went through, there was never a trade, never any reparation.

But in retrospect, she probably got something else out of it after all.

--l--

* * *

Whoops, it's been quite a bit over two months, hasn't it. I hope the extra length of this (4,141 words compared to the usual of 1500-1600) makes up for it – this batch is around twice as big as one set of five normally is.

Apologies for those who think that my rendition of Misaki is a bit far-fetched. But really, no matter how bright and sunny they are, everyone in GA seems to have some kind of a wretched, dark, angsty past, and Tsubasa did mention the kind of kid he used to be. So if the difference with him is that pronounced now, imagine if she had to overcome some hurdles of her own as well. This makes characterization of the two a challenge, because if I write a theme for them in one of the transitional times, then they'll seem out of character if I don't have some kind of a lead-up, but having one for each of them can be messy. So. Uh, ah well.

A lot of these are interconnected, and almost all of these follow a general timeline. If you'd like, I can put up the 'reading order' and relations for all of the themes when I'm done.

Dex is only the best beta ever, and reviews would greatly be appreciated. I don't write for reviews, but they sure as hell give me more encouragement and sometimes speed things up. And there's only one more batch after this, so it won't be long.


	6. what you are is beautiful

Spoilers for the dance arc in chapters 48-50, as 30 finishes up that mini trilogy started with 5 and 18. Otherwise, 29 has a passing reference to chapter 60-something in the Hanahime arc, 26 is completely AU, 27's a follow-up to 20 "the road home", and the rest is me completely darkening up everything about Tsubasa. Like Misaki last time, sort of.

And yes, this is the end. A very long end, but still the end.

**Key to Flying  
Done for the 30 KISSES challenge  
By DarkenedSakura  
Themes**** #26-30 (what you are is beautiful)**

**26. if only I could make you mine**

_and it could go something like this…_

--l--

There was a boy, tall and lanky with deep, piercing eyes and matching blue hair, a special star insignia pinned to his collar and a black star under his eye.

There was a girl, all sturdy stature, pink eyes, and hair with the tips flaring out to the sides like her personality sometimes did, three gold stars to her collar and her name.

--l--

"Tsubasa."

"Persona."

"The mission is tonight."

"…All right."

"Be sure to take him out this time."

…_while:_

"Misaki?"

"Hm?"

"The teachers are looking for you. They need you to help with the setup for the – "

"Ugh, I completely forgot. All right, I'm headed over there."

"…They also say that you need to keep your doppelgangers from wreaking havoc this time."

"Yeah…all right. Make it sound like it's my fault, why don't you."

--l--

He was only the most eligible bachelor in the entire building.

Girls flocked to him, girls screamed and squealed and giggled over him, girls ran into his path and would start babbling to him. And while he was sort of the cool, aloof type, he never treated them as being below him; he would stop and talk to them a little bit, mouth off some pleasantries with a bit of a glimmer in his eye that made them swoon.

Repeatedly.

They adored him. Adored his deep blue eyes and his deadly attractiveness that he had to have been aware of, adored his enigmatic mystique and shrouded secrets. Absolutely charmed by his dark appeal, how he was in the dangerous type class and how he'd disappear for days at a time and how he rarely ever smiled save for an unusual smirk. They were, simply put, charmed by _him_.

Dangerous and dark and brooding and handsome and everything a girl could ask for.

The only thing was, he rarely reciprocated, seriously or no.

_…at the same time:_

She was only the most eligible bachelorette in the entire building.

Guys wouldn't flock to her, per se, but if she walked down a hallway, they would _look_. Not that she had the most feminine, curvy figure, but she just had this _air_ about her and was still so attractive in this way that was wholly her own. And while she wasn't really the cool, aloof type, she was still so out of reach; there was always some unknown, invisible barrier that kept them away and from getting really involved with her, even as she laughed with a bark in her voice and smiled with her eyes in a way that could disarm them all.

Every time.

They admired her. Admired her looks and the beauty that they thought she wasn't aware of, admired her mystique and vitality. Absolutely charmed by the way she was yet wasn't one of the other girls, by the way she'd seem to disappear despite standing in front of them at the same time, something they could only notice by the far-off look she got in her eyes. They were, simply put, charmed by _her_.

Quirky and bold and brash and beautiful and everything they could really ask for.

The only thing was, she never reciprocated, and she really never knew.

…_& the thing was;_

When they thought about it, everyone found it rather ironic how the most appealing guy and girl amongst them, whether for reasons that were the same or different or unknown, were both so unattainable.

And when they never thought about it, because they never did, nobody pictured the two of them next to each other.

Ever.

It'd be too hard to imagine, if they ever thought of it.

--l--

There was a boy.

There was a girl.

_…but the one time that they collided:_

He was languidly kissing one of his classmates.

Who she was, he hardly had a clue. In fact, he didn't have much of an idea as to why he was doing such a thing. Boredom, perhaps. Needed something different, maybe. Hormones wouldn't let him out of this one, a little more unlikely, but probably not. Maybe even yes.

He was hoping she was a somebody, maybe.

The girl pulled closer to Tsubasa, far too eager, and it suddenly struck him that maybe this wasn't what he was looking for, maybe she was just one of those floozies that stuck in the crowd next to him and never would've meant much of anything even with this moment.

Definitely a nobody.

His hand stilled further down the back of her neck, but he was already pulling away before his body realized:

This wasn't what he was wanted.

_…because at the same time:_

She walked briskly through the courtyard, on her way to somewhere for someone as the usual responsibilities and the like demanded of her.

Along the way, a couple engaged in the whole public display of affection routine sat together on a bench. The girl she could barely place, but the guy was that obnoxious special star in her class, the one who ignored everyone and did nothing and always seemed to be gone half of the time that he was supposed to be there.

The whole scene really irritated her. "Will you two get a room?"

"Jealous?" He seemed to grin at her from behind his sycophant.

"Of you? Never," she shot back.

Who he was, she hardly had a clue. In fact, she didn't have much of an idea as to why she was even talking to him, snippy comments or not. Out of annoyance, perhaps. Wanted to walk somewhere freely without having to see something like _that_, maybe.

Because suddenly, she wanted to know him beyond the façade she knew he put up all the time. A little more unlikely, but probably not. Maybe even yes.

Why had this thought come to mind?

She shook off the feeling and continued on her path to looming responsibilities and the family that fell on her like a shadow and endless numbers of classmates to push into line, but her mind was already drifting away before she consciously realized:

This wasn't what she wanted.

--l--

Tsubasa never really complained about his lot in life.

To do so was meaningless. He would still be ordered on missions, still bear the weight of his curse mark, still see the stigmata of his scars in the mirror. He would still commit whatever unspeakable acts he could never quite purge from memory, still do nothing that really meant anything at all.

He was dangerous. An enigma. A powerful threat meant to be left alone. Nothing would change what everyone else thought.

But sometimes, the two-dimensionality of his life – ever, so slightly, irritated him.

_…it wasn't as if he was the only one:_

Misaki never really complained about what she got in life.

To do so was meaningless. She would still have to attend classes, still have to help with everything that was asked of her, still be as talented and happy as she ever was. She would still do everything that she did already, even though one day it wouldn't really mean anything at all.

She was distinguished. An oxymoron. A top student with everything available to her, though she was far from the teacher's pet model that most would expect. Nothing would change how everyone else asked for her assistance, what everyone else thought, what everyone else expected.

But sometimes, the two-dimensionality of her life – ever, so slightly, bothered her.

_…& both of them realized:_

Something was missing.

--l--

…_but all in all, in retrospect:_

She wondered why she deigned to notice him.

He wondered why he deigned to respond.

(Somewhere, sometime, both of them wondered why they'd never met at all; was there ever a world where they eased the other's troubles, knew each other's secrets, and helped each other escape?)

He continued towards his destination, as did she, in two different directions that never converged again.

And sometimes, both of them would wonder: what would it have been like, if they'd done this differently, if they'd known different people, if they'd chosen different paths…

_…and it could go something like this…_

* * *

**27. overflow**

"Oi, Tsubasa!"

"What?"

"When do you want to eat? Six? Seven?"

He blinked, and dropped the box that he'd been in the process of moving upstairs on the kitchen table. Figures that they haven't settled into the house a week after moving in. "We can just go out and grab whatever, so it doesn't really matter, right?"

Silence.

"Misaki?"

She walked into the kitchen, giving him a look. "We've grabbed something from Central Town every night this entire week."

"So?"

"We have a kitchen for a reason, you know."

Eighteen years of not having to worry about such things completely shafted him in times like these, when he didn't have that in-school catering and the like. School hadn't helped him prepare for life at _all_. "What, you want to _cook_ something?"

"…Are you implying that I can't?"

"Well, no, but – "

"Then that's that."

Nor did those years improve his argumentation skills in any way. But, at least they gave him fair warning of what would happen if he didn't shackle down and listen.

He sighed.

--l--

"So," Tsubasa asked mildly, "why do I have to be the one to cook?"

Misaki gave him a pointed glance.

"…Okay, what's in the fridge?"

--l--

Tono knocked at the door, but was startled when it creaked open. "…Hello?"

"Idiot!"

"I didn't mean to!"

"Well, now it's overflowing all over the stove!"

"And what were you doing?"

"Chopping the vegetables, while you were supposed to watch the pot and make sure nothing overboiled!"

"You're making it sound so easy!"

"That's because it _is_ easy!"

"Not when you gave me more to do than just watching the pot!"

Hmm, sounded like a warzone.

And naturally, he'd be the fool rushing in. "Tsubasa, Misaki?"

"Ah, Tono-sempai," Misaki said, with a rather dangerous glint in her over-bright smile.

Tsubasa, meanwhile, looked as though he wasn't sure whether to be relieved or further frustrated. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I was going to drop by to see how you were doing for dinner, but maybe I should leave you two to solve your domestic troubles?"

Judging from their similarly murderous expressions, maybe that _wasn't_ the best thing to say after all. Besides, he came for food, not scary looks promising lots of pain. Unlike Tsubasa, he wasn't a masochist before mealtimes. Or any time. Really, he thought that those incidents at the school would have been relegated to the annals of unpleasant memory by now.

He tried again. "Uhm…what do you say we kiss and make up? And, uh," he said quickly, feeling the dangerous atmosphere thicken, "maybe I can help you two with the cooking part a bit?"

The weight that he'd felt pressing mercilessly down on his shoulders seemed to disappear with a pop as Misaki smiled. "Then you two can take care of the rest, right? I hope you don't mind stew, Tono."

"Not a problem," he managed to say.

For some reason, he felt like Tsubasa was sinking into the floor next to him.

--l--

"You know, I always thought that even if you won't become an Iron Chef, at least you'd be able to keep things from exploding," Tono remarked amicably as he dumped in the potatoes.

His kouhai muttered to himself, stirring the broth. He'd only just cleaned up the mess from before.

"Almost like you got distracted…ohhhhh," he said slyly, as Tsubasa continued to focus very, very strongly on stirring. "Looked away for a few moments, didn't you? Too busy watching something else?"

"I can just leave you to take care of the rest."

"And what would Misaki say about that?"

"I'd trust that you wouldn't tell her," he replied with a leveled look.

"Ahaha. Ha."

This really _was_ the most dysfunctional, dangerous house in all of Central Town. And he just had to stop by out of the goodness of his heart.

"Oi, Tsubasa!"

He sighed before heading out of the kitchen. "Be right back."

Tono watched the potatoes boil, and decided that next week, he'd invite them over and save them all the trouble.

Well, if the two of them hadn't blown the place up by then.

* * *

**28. Wada Calcium CD3**

"Tsubasa? Oi, Tsubasa?"

Huh, Misaki thought. She expected him to be in his room, as he'd told her that he had no plans for the day. Perhaps she'd just missed him in passing on the way to the cafeteria?

His bed hadn't been made, the blankets pooled on one side, and a glass of water that she guessed was growing stagnant stood on the bedside table, next to a small bottle of uncapped pills.

Pills?

Curiosity getting the better of her, she walked over and picked it up, rotating it so that she could read the label.

"Wada Calcium."

Huh. That was something that she hadn't seen for a while. Her parents had foisted it on her when she was young, but…

She frowned at the memory. The unwanted memory.

What was Tsubasa doing with this, though? Did he have calcium deficiency? That was unlikely. Did he have a height complex?

Now _that_ would be something, she laughed to herself. How long could he have been taking them? How many were left? She shook the bottle experimentally before looking inside.

And stared.

That wasn't what she expected at all.

"Tsubasa, you… How long have you been hiding this?"

--l--

Five minutes later, he showed up. Though for someone as methodical about these details such as himself, she knew that he'd be back sooner rather than later.

He blinked. "Morning."

She kept her arms crossed, and tilted her head in the direction of the uncapped pill bottle.

Ever so infinitesimally, he paled. Or maybe it was just her imagination.

"How long?" she asked.

"How long what?"

"Have you been taking those."

"Well, maybe for a few months – "

" – or weeks, I mean – "

"So all those times that I couldn't find you, when you said you were just sleeping somewhere or catching up with Tono or evading teachers, you were really in the hospital? All these months?"

He walked over to the bedside table and capped the bottle, then opened the drawer and casually tossed it in before sliding it decisively shut.

"Tsubasa."

He didn't turn around.

"I still saw them, you know. The medication. For the side effects of a degenerative Alice condition, right?"

Still nothing.

"Tsubasa!"

"Well, maybe I hid them the way that I did for a reason, you know?"

"You…what?" She stopped, perplexed.

"Maybe I didn't tell you about all the time I had to spend in the hospital, or the medication that I had to take, or the other times that I wasn't around because of another mission, or that I've been working with Tono for a while, or…" He paused. "Because I've had a reason. Maybe I didn't tell _anyone_ because I had a reason."

His tone, subdued but forceful, made him sound so frayed at the edges, so tired, so _old_, that she bit her lip.

He turned around, and the indescribable look in his eyes silenced her further. "You deserved not to have to know about things like this."

"What, and then get all of the worry dumped on me in one moment like this?"

"It's none of your business."

Her jaw locked together with a snap.

He stared at her still.

"Fine. Maybe none of this is my business. I guess it was a waste of time worrying for you, those few minutes I spent waiting here wondering just what was wrong. Since you want to be a martyr and all."

He said nothing.

She left.

--l--

"Oi, Tsubasa, you said you were going to meet me at – what's wrong?"

He sat on the bed and stared out the window like he'd been doing for the past few hours, and didn't so much as glance up at the sempai of his who'd just waltzed in on his own. "She knows."

"Knows? How much?"

"Almost everything. Nothing specific, but otherwise, everything."

"Oh, boy." Tono sat down in the chair across from him. "So that's how the conversation went."

"She brought it up, when I left the pills on the table." A bitter pause. "I never wanted her to know."

The whole affair lingered in his mouth like a kiss gone awry; he didn't tell Tono how it still bothered him.

The boy knew anyway, looked away sympathetically and shifted in his seat. "But now that she does, what can you do? You can't just hide yourself from her."

Silence.

"Maybe," he replied.

_Since you want to be a martyr_ echoed in the empty space, and he remembered how her face looked yet again, how her expression...

God, he was beaten.

--l--

"You have to go talk to her," Tono said some time later.

"Why? She shouldn't get involved."

"She was involved the moment that the two of you met," he said with derision. "Stop being an idiot and go talk to her. Without being stupid this time."

He continued to stare out the window.

"I know I'm far better with the female half of the population than you are, but really, Tsubasa."

Staring into the distance was really his thing today.

Tono sighed.

Tsubasa could've sworn that he heard him say "ah, youth" under his breath, but by the time that he turned around with a decisive comeback on the tip of his tongue, he was gone.

Beaten, beaten, beaten.

He took his time in getting up and leaving, but inevitabilities could hardly be delayed.

--l--

_"You know, Tsubasa, not like I'm getting into your personal business or anything, but it's nice to be able to have at least one confidante."_

_ "I'm sure you have many of them."_

_ "It's impossible to isolate yourself entirely."_

_ "No wonder you've polished your playboy image."_

_ "Look, has he mentioned her specifically yet?"_

_ "No."_

_ "Implied anything?"_

_ "No."_

_ "Then you're not really endangering her."_

_ "Besides, if they want her, they'll get her themselves. There's nothing you can do. This isn't really protecting her, at all."_

_ "I'm just saying, don't burn all of your bridges. Just think about it."_

_ Just think about it._

--l--

Tsubasa sat down next to her in class, and wasn't really surprised when she turned away to look anywhere else but to her right.

Again, he cursed his moment of careless idiocy.

Since she was most decidedly Not. Talking. To Him, no witty remarks came as he sat back and studied her. The twitch at her temple and the way she scrunched up her lower lip were sort of childish, but sort of saddening. Any other time, and it'd have been amusing – but not now.

He sighed. "Next time I disappear, come visit me in the hospital wing."

A very long pause, though he could feel her surprise.

"Why would I want to do that?"

He shrugged. "If it makes you feel better. Because you'll get storming mad otherwise."

She made a sound of disdain and looked away again, but the twitch was gone, at the very least.

He sighed, a little. Just because.

After class, she was pulling him along again – anywhere but Jinno's class, she muttered – and he thought maybe, just maybe, things could be like they were yesterday again.

Fleetingly. A fleeting thought.

But at the very least, he thought to himself as they turned another corner, maybe things wouldn't have to be so different.

At the very least.

He could live with that.

* * *

**29. the sound of waves**

_All I want to do is sleep._

_ All I want to do…is sleep._

--l--

"Good morning," Tsubasa hears. But when he opens his eyes, nobody's there.

He's lying on a beach chair, and the shadow of a large umbrella falls on him as he stirs. But even if it wasn't there, he wouldn't be roasting in the afternoon sun anyway – on the contrary, the temperature's just perfect, and he's in no danger of getting a sunburn. The sun's barely risen, wisps of yellow-white slowly leaking into the sky. He can smell sea salt as he breathes in; he can see the ocean as he looks out.

The first thought that assails his mind is: _this is perfect._

It's not until later that he wonders, why is he here?

The soft crash of the waves is his only answer.

--l--

_Wake up._

--l--

After what must be hours, Tsubasa realizes – he's all alone.

The beach is deserted. Desolate. There are no children playing on the sandy shores, no crabs scuttling along the surf. He feels that gentle ocean breeze ruffle his hair from time to time and the now mid-morning sun's warm against his face, but other than that, it feels like nothing here is moving at all. Like this is a perfect moment caught in time, frozen forever.

Lifeless.

But, he thinks, as he watches the sunlight bounce off of the water and shimmer in the sky, it's still such a perfect moment. And there's nowhere else he can think of at the moment that he'd rather rest at, except here.

(all alone)

(but so _content_)

What would it be like, he muses before he drifts off again, to touch the ocean?

--l--

_You idiot! Wake up!_

--l--

_(she's calling for you)_

_ (why won't you answer her)_

But again, when he opens his eyes, nobody's there.

(desolate, all alone)

It's starting to be somewhat discomfiting, the soundless crash of the waves, the white in the sky, the blue on the sea – but the sun glimmers on the surface of the water again and the breeze kisses his face and nothing's _wrong._

What was wrong? What made him feel that way a moment ago?

The thought drifts away somewhere over the horizon, and he slowly drifts off as well, thinking for a moment that he'd like something to drink.

--l--

_Why can't you see that this is what I want? Why can't you just leave me in peace?_

--l--

When he awakes this time, he thinks that he can hear someone laughing far away in the distance.

There's a little white table at his side now with a glass sitting on top of it. He picks it up – why does his arm feel like lead, like he's too slothful to even move – and downs it, cool liquid something seeping through his veins and calming him, before he feels _warm_ again.

He sets the glass back down just before his arm falls down to his side like a weight dropping, but doesn't feel any alarm, panic.

All he feels – is relaxed.

All he wants to feel – is like this.

_You see? There's nothing wrong with – _

But the words die before he even says them, as he realizes what gave him that strange feeling of displacement a while back. Or maybe it was a few minutes; things seem to feel like an eternity here.

Only, an eternity is nothing without someone else there.

Who, though? He likes this peace and quiet, this open-air atmosphere and shoreline stretching for miles. That obnoxious sempai with long hair would soon drive him insane here. He doesn't care for most of his classmates. His teachers – almost all of them, and especially one in particular – are anathema. His family…

_(never)_

…out of the question.

Surely there's someone?

(pink hair, warm eyes - )

Of course not. That's a joke. He's spent so long making sure that no one _would_ get close that it wouldn't make any sense.

He doesn't need anyone. He doesn't _want_ anyone.

Tsubasa continues to stare off into the distance, letting himself absorb the saltine smell and the aquamarine hues.

Paradise is what you make of it, after all.

(and this is. paradise.)

--l--

_Please, Tsubasa. Just wake up. You don't understand what it means if you…if you don't wake up._

--l--

"Is there something wrong?"

He shudders awake to a blazing yellow sun sinking into the sea. How many times has he fallen asleep? This whole place is starting to feel so strange. Surreal.

Not quite right.

(but still so peaceful, so eternally peaceful)

"There's nothing wrong," he replies without thinking. "Just…thought I heard someone."

A laugh. "That's not possible. You're the only one here for miles."

"And you?"

"Here with you, of course. Just me."

He frowns. The voice – female – is coming from behind him, but he can't see who it is. And he can't muster up the energy or the effort to move, as though his limbs have given up and atrophied long ago.

(even if her voice is echoing in his ear, god it sounds so familiar)

"It doesn't matter," she sharply comments.

"What doesn't?"

He hears soft, quick footsteps on the sand. "Everything. Nothing. Take your pick."

Tsubasa has to crane his neck to see her as she walks forward, and barely gets a glimpse of her face before she's several meters in front of him and all he can see is her back. Her white dress brushes against the sand, and her hair looks almost brown-gold, sun-kissed with the tint of the sunset.

He swallows, but whatever's caught in his throat won't go down.

_Are you – _

"Relax, Tsubasa," she said, smiling. "Enjoy the view of the sunset – one like this only comes around once in a long while."

"Even in a place like this?"

"Even in a place like this."

And she's right. The way the colors bleed across the sky is mesmerizing, like a purple-orange-blue kaleidoscope of color that he can't tear his eyes away from. He could stare away like this all day…

_(it's like he's caught in an enchantment…)_

Something flutters into his line of vision – strands of this woman's long hair, silver-gold-brown – and the spell is broken, though the longing remains.

"Wasn't I right?"

"Maybe you were," he mumbles.

She slowly starts to turn around, dress billowing gently in the breeze, but before he can muster up the energy to _see_, everything goes warm and hazy dark.

_"Just rest a while for now…"_

--l--

_You don't understand._

_ Of course I do. You're an idiot for doing this. This isn't what you really want._

_ What I want? What I want is…_

--l--

This time, the sun is almost gone, with the first breaths of twilight slowly starting to creep up on him.

For a moment, he thinks he feels cold, but the chill passes so swiftly that he isn't sure the temperature ever dropped at all.

"Even at this time of day the scenery's beautiful, you know."

He reflexively tenses up, even as the atmosphere wills him to relax.

"What, Tsubasa?" she asks, standing where the shore meets the sea, with her back turned to him and her dress still fluttering around her feet.

"N…nothing. You just startled me. I didn't think you'd still be here."

"Hm."

She spins around then, so fluidly that it's almost like she's floating on the waves. And he can't help but gasp.

"Have you missed me? Tsubasa."

The dying rays still give her a bit of a glow, but her hair's back to its usual dark shade, her skin still pale and her eyes still deep and her smile all exactly as he remembers.

_(he remembers.)_

He says nothing.

She takes several steps towards where he sits, smiles down at him against the backdrop of the sun. "And that's how you greet your mother? After all these years?"

(your _mother_.)

The beach is still so relaxing, so warm, so inviting, but a thrill goes up his spine anyway. Like a warning.

_Don't get caught. Don't get caught._

He feels something icy cold coursing through his veins again, and blanches, almost wishing for the lull of that afternoon drink to wash it away again. Almost, until the warning echoes again and it's all he can do to focus on the sky.

"But it's okay. We have so much time to talk. So much time."

"We do?"

She smiles again; the ice pricks his fingers and he slowly starts to curl them, slowly gets them to move again.

"You'll stay here with me forever, won't you?"

_(forever's such a long time)_

"We can live happily like we've always wanted. Freely, out here. You've felt it, right? Everything here's so soothing, it's like paradise. It's something we never dreamed of."

_Paradise__ is where you choose it._

Her words pour out faster and faster, a bubbling lullaby that dulls the cold in his hands and causes his eyelids to droop again. And when he wakes up the next time, judging by the progression of the sun, it would be…

"We can forget everything else. You don't have to use your Alice any more. You don't have to remember the academy ever again."

_Tsubasa! Please!_

His eyes snap open. "Why did you have to bring that up? Why did you have to?"

She takes in a sharp breath, staring at him.

He looks down and realizes that he's standing upright, free of the chair.

_(you could throw all of this away)_

_ (you would throw all of this _away)

Almost immediately, it's as though the temperature drops to absolute zero, the sea breeze now a chilling wind, and he collapses on the sand.

"Oh, Tsubasa." She kneels down next to him, tucks a strand of his hair behind his ear, and he leans into the touch. "Why did you have to do that? We only have until nightfall…"

"But I thought you said that this would be forever," he grits out.

She smiles sadly at him. "But don't you see? You have to choose. Do you want to stay here?

_- or do you want to go back?_

Over her shoulder, he can see the tide slowly creeping up on them, the darkened stretch of sand reaching far past where she'd stood moments ago.

"I hate it there," he whispers. "I never wanted to go."

"I never wanted to send you. But I didn't have a choice." She pauses, and her smile could break his heart with its fragility. "Now, though, we do have a choice. Here, you won't have to do the things they force you to do."

_(you can relax, sit and watch the waves soundlessly crash)_

The water is only a few feet away from them, now, and it's only getting colder.

_Paradise__ is where you choose it._

Instinctively, he knows that the cold, the pain – that they'll all go away if he stays. That he'll feel that serenity again, the loss of which is already gnawing at him like a dull throb alongside the icy ache.

So why can't he say yes?

_You promised. You promised that you'd make it back. Idiot, I knew you always break your promises…_

"I can't."

Something flickers in her eyes; what, he doesn't know. But now he can't stop here, no matter how much it pulls at him.

"I don't know why, but I can't. I can't do this. I can't stay here."

She whispers so softly, like a gust of summer. "Does it feel that wrong, staying here with me?"

He feels as though his heart could shatter. "I just…can't explain it."

_This is not the paradise that I would choose._

And suddenly, she pulls him tightly into a hug, and his body's unsure of whether to curl into her warmth or to freeze jaggedly from the pain in his chest. "I miss you still. But all along," and his eyes widen as he feels something wet against his collar, "I knew that this would happen. Even if you don't want to go back, you've always been a fighter. Always."

The tide is slowly seeping into her dress, staining it darkly. And he instinctively realizes: he doesn't have much time.

His voice starts to crack. "I'm sorry, mother, so sorry…"

She lets go of him, and pain shoots through his abdomen. "You still won't stay?"

The look in her eyes threatens to undo him, but he can't look away, can't ever look away. And the rocks in the distance are suddenly looming and the sky is almost completely blue-dark-black and the quiet buzz has erupted into a roaring storm, and like that, everything changes.

_(are you sure this is right? you know this is not right. she would never wish you harm like this, never wish you pain)_

The seawater soaks through his clothes in a rush, and the smell of salt is overpowering.

"You've made your choice. Good luck."

A tear slides down her face, followed by another.

The water envelopes him completely, and he slips into the tide.

--l--

_No one can sleep like the death the way you do._

_ But don't you think that this much is enough?_

--l--

Nostalgia for that beach hits him before he even opens his eyes. Already, he's realized what he's irrevocably lost.

Perhaps it is a dream. Perhaps it was a dream.

(perhaps he's just a fool.)

He's lying on a hospital bed, and he can feel tight, constricting bandages around his lower body. There's a dull ache thudding in his head, and his arms feel as leaden as they did over there.

What hits him first: he misses that place. (He misses her.)

What hits him next: he left her behind, for _this_. (Even if it wasn't real, wasn't right?)

"You're finally awake."

He blinks as an angry Misaki looks down at him.

"Do you know how long you've been asleep? We weren't sure if you were ever going to wake up!" She looks as though she'd do something violent and probably painful, but then a shadow passes over her face and she changes her mind.

_Don't hurt the injured guy any more_, he thinks weakly, but makes a noncommittal sort of sound.

"Do you remember anything?"

The smell of the sea, the ocean breeze, the white of her dress…

"The curse mark. He's…they're going to reprimand him for this, because this time it was too much. He could've killed you."

Tsubasa vaguely starts to remember. He'd botched up the mission, gotten injured, and then…his head hurt just thinking about the pain that the curse seal – that bastard – put him through. "So I passed out from the shock, is that it?"

She doesn't say anything, but he feels like her anger's abated…slightly.

_I had a dream_, he wants to say. _That I could make a choice._ But it sounds ludicrous even as he thinks it, and he's not stupid enough not to know what the other choice would've meant. In the end, it probably wasn't…really as good as it seemed.

(and there was his mother, but it'd been forever since her hair was that long, and an eternity since her voice was so soft and her smile so gentle, and…lies, lies, lies, all lies, everything's always a lie.)

Metaphors are ridiculous, he thinks darkly to himself.

"Tsubasa!"

"What?!" he shouts in response, startled. Why did he ask her to visit him, again?

"Just…" Her expression's softened. "Don't do something so stupid again. Well, so soon. I know you'll do something that stupid again. So be careful."

_Should I just tell him not to activate the curse mark next time, tell them that I refuse to go on another mission?_ he thinks._ Because I'm sure they'll listen to me._

But what he says softly is, "Right."

"I'm going to get the nurses. And Tono's going to come by in an hour like he usually does." And with that, she brusquely leaves the room.

He isn't sure what to think. About her, about this – how long was he asleep? – about anything. In fact, he feels like he's missing something. Like a huge revelation, a turning point, a realization.

(like sand under his nails and feathers in the sky)

(like mothers moving forward and children left behind)

He'll settle for the fact that dreams don't make much sense, and that while this life isn't paradise, for now he'd rather stay all the same.

(Paradise is where you choose it.)

He'd made the right decision, hadn't he. For whatever reason.

For whatever reason.

The stark white of the ceiling, and not the charmed blue of that sky, is reassurance enough.

* * *

**30. kiss**

Tsubasa knew that he couldn't evade Misaki for long, considering.

But it didn't stop him from trying.

Okay, he just needed to figure something out. The fact that the days after the dance were free of classes definitely helped, but still. Just something that would keep her from killing him at any time in the next few…well, years. Something really effective and not stupid and not –

"Tsubasa!"

He jumped backwards, straight into the rather hard wall. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to do that to kiss you and stuff and then I kept avoiding you 'cause I didn't want you to kill me and. I'm sorry?"

…Well, that didn't go according to plan _at all._ He wanted to hit his head repeatedly against the wall really, really hard, and did he mention repeatedly? He probably didn't mention repeatedly enough, really. Or the sorry to her face. Yeah, he probably didn't apologize well enough. And he was probably going to die now.

Overall, it had somewhat been a good life sometimes, at least?

"Tsubasa, _shut up._"

"Uhm."

"You could've just…said something earlier."

He looked at her, flabbergasted.

And distinctly thought that suddenly, she was about to kiss him, judging from that look in her eye – not that he'd ever been a good judge of her behavior or moods, since this could also mean that she was going to throttle him in a second, but –

"Tsubasa-sempai, Misaki-sempai?"

_Damnit_, or _oh god I'm saved?_ Sometimes his imagination led him on wild tangents and he was really becoming quite paranoid, and could he get away with blaming it all on Misaki?

In the meantime, Mikan had wandered onto the path, alone and looking more than a little preoccupied. Almost like she was off in another world of thoughts and just stumbled here on reflex.

"Mikan-chan, what are you doing out here? Where's everyone else?"

At that last part, the girl turned red enough that he thought now was a _great_ time for that mind reader kid to walk by.

"Ahhh, why don't we go take a walk, then?" Misaki asked abruptly. "Have some lunch, something like that."

Their kouhai nodded fiercely in reply. So fiercely that he thought she might damage her spinal cord. What had happened with her and her group at the dance that night, anyway? He'd never asked.

"Mikan-chan, why don't you go ahead of us for a moment? We'll catch up."

As the little girl ran off ("Oh, maybe I can find Tono-sempai and ask him to come with us too! But when I last saw him, he was with all of those girls…"), Misaki turned back to him.

"…Ah?"

She _smiled_ at him. And not even a doomsday smile, but a real smile smile.

"…," he managed to say.

"I…I don't know. Just don't be an idiot about this, all right?"

And she was smiling at him, and coherent thought went out the window. "Uhm. Yeah, okay. Sure."

Yeah, definitely sure.

"Come on, Mikan-chan's waiting for us," she said brightly before grabbing his wrist and tugging him off after their friend, though he wasn't too aware of what was going on. Really, all he knew at the moment was that she hadn't beaten him up to kingdom come, that nothing had exploded, and that she'd smiled at him.

Not bad at all, since almost all of the scenarios running around in his head said that things would go a bit worse than this. A bit being an understatement.

Everything that was sure to come afterwards could wait, because yeah, he wanted to let this moment sink in.

For the other things, there was time left still.

--l--

* * *

Four months, but 6,600 words. I can't believe this is 6,600 words. Themes-wise, 28 and 29 were way back in the sort of timeline for this thing, if the characterization I used showed anything. I should probably make an official timeline as all of these except for 22 and 26 fit in one general universe, but I'm lazy, and forget it, interpret as you wish. And 30 was crap, I wish this whole thing ended with 29 – that's my favorite, easily.

So. It's done. A year and two months and my romance is clichéd crap but it's done, done, done, holy crap I torture myself when it comes to themes challenges but this is done.

:D

Forgive my writing, though I think it's improved at this point. And how I completely screwed with canon for these two, though come on, dark and angsty. And how I completely made up fanon for them, and how some of my premises are borderline ridiculous, and anyway, it's done.

Dex (Aliora) is the most amazing beta ever. Thanks to her for putting up with my ceaseless moaning and grumbling, and to everyone who actually stuck with this the entire way and left encouraging reviews. Hope you'll tell me what you think about the final installments, and thanks again!


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